【A Clockwork Orange Porn Parody XXX】

The A Clockwork Orange Porn Parody XXXfull 90-second teaser trailer for Solo: A Star Wars Storyis finally here, and it has us wondering whether the spin-off movie needs to change its name.

Now we've seen and heard Alden Ehrenreich in the role of young Han Solo, rumors from the set that the actor was concerned enough about his performance to hire an acting coach start to make sense.

It would be a tough job for anyone to fill Harrison Ford's shoes, and the few snatches of Ehrenreich's acting that made the trailer suggest audiences may be somewhat underwhelmed by this attempt.

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But even though we don't get any dialogue from Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian, a few glimpses of him smiling in character as the Millennium Falcon's original owner are enough to light up the screen.

(Star quality: it's more elusive than Death Star plans.)

Still, even if the lead actor isn't quite up to snuff, there's still plenty here to get excited about. Here's what else we learned about a movie that is shaping up to be the most unusual piece of filmed Star Wars entertainment yet:

Han has been a scoundrel all his life

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"I've been running scams on the streets since I was 10," Ehrenreich says at the opening of the trailer, probably talking to the Emilia Clarke character Qi'ra, whom we see being taken for a spin by Han. "I was kicked out of flight academy for having a mind of my own."

This is the first word we've had in all the Star Wars films on Han's childhood, and it's a marked departure from the story told about Han in the novels that were removed from official canon. In those, he was captured by a pirate as a kid.

Running scams on the street at the age of 10 would suggest that Han is an orphan (as he was in the books) or otherwise estranged from his parents. Regardless, Qi'ra's line -- "I may be the only person who knows what you really are" -- suggests we may learn more about his origins at some point in the film.

The big question: Why does she know? Who is Qi'ra to Han?

Han speaks Wookiee already

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Another idea about Han's childhood, frequently floated by George Lucas, is that he was raised by Wookiees. (Indeed, young Han almost made an appearance on the Wookiee planet of Kashyyyk in Revenge of the Sith until he was cut from the script.)

That probably isn't the case now -- we doubt the loyal, responsible Wookiees would let their young human ward run wild on the streets running scams at the age of 10. But it does seem Han has been studying his Wookiee language phrasebook, at least.

Han already knows enough of the language to translate for the mentor character played by Woody Harrelson, who is putting together a team for a heist of some sort -- a team that includes Solo and the walking carpet, apparently recruited on a snow-filled planet.

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That in turn suggests that if we're going to see how Han and Chewie met, as suggested by the official synopsis, it will happen early on in the movie.

Han's dice make their first appearance

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Remember those gold dice from the Millennium Falcon cockpit, as seen in The Last Jedi? The ones Luke gives to Leia (sort of) at the end of the film? As we suspected at the time, they're in this film too.

You have to look very closely to see them, however -- they're in the windshield of his hovercar.

The Millennium Falcon has had a chunk taken out

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Lando's ship, all bright and gleaming on the inside under its original owner, looks different on the outside too. The biggest change, as you can see from this action sequence above, is that the famous pincers at the front ... aren't pincers. Without a chunk missing, the Millennium Falcon looks much more flying saucer-esque.

You can also see the fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy side-swipe a TIE fighter with nary a scratch. Brutal.

Han loves his hives of scum and villainy

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This looks like a classier joint than the Mos Eisley Cantina -- more of an Art Deco-style jazz bar, which suggests it's on a richer, more central planet than Tatooine.

But it's still a den of intrigue and iniquity, we're sure. And Qi'ra is there too, looking like something out of Blade Runner. Curiouser and curiouser.

Thandie Newton plays Val

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We still don't know anything about who Thandie Newton (Westworld) plays in Solo, but we finally have a name -- Val. She also has one of the best-looking costume and haircut combinations in the galaxy.

Phoebe Waller-Bridge plays Lando's co-pilot droid

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The droid is named L3-37, according to the official caption on publicity stills, and it appears to be helping Lando pilot his ship into hyperspace.

We'd known that Phoebe Waller-Bridge (Fleabag) would be playing some sort of motion-capture CGI role. Now we know it's a droid -- just like Alan Tudyk's K-2SO in Rogue One.

Hopefully this droid will be as amusing (not to mention hearbreakingly real) as its predecessor.

There's some monkey business

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What is the monkey-like creature we see for a second, piloting what appears to be an imperial vessel? We're not entirely sure -- but it certainly doesn't appear to be the ancient diminutive alien Maz Kanata from The Force Awakensand The Last Jedias some fans suspected when first watching the trailer.

Still, we're holding out hope that Maz will have a cameo in this film regardless. She's known Han and the Wookiee a longtime.

There may be one or two Han Solo cliches

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"Thought we were in trouble for a second," Han says, cockily, in the cockpit of the Falcon at the end of the trailer. "But it's fine, we're fine."

It's a clear echo of "we're all fine here, how are you?" -- Han's famous line over the intercom from the Death Star detention block in the original Star Wars. That makes it the first suggestion that screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan isn't above referencing famous lines of Han dialogue.

One such reference is fine, but if there are many more ... we may have a bad feeling about this.

It's a summer blockbuster

Whatever else Solo turns out to be, it's clearly a fun romp through the galaxy far, far away. There's lots of speed and action and enough racing vehicles to make car nut George Lucas very happy.

So perhaps the ultimate lesson of the Solotrailer is this: don't take the movie too seriously. It's a roller coaster ride, a piece of light summer entertainment with little bearing on the rest of Star Wars legend.

Whether Alden Ehrenreich works in the title role or not, whether or not Donald Glover lives up to our outsized expectations as Lando, we'll all be fine here. How are you?

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