【Comedy Archives】

Are you an Apple user who found the iPhone 16 launch event to be Comedy Archivesdull, disappointing, a let-down? Did it seem like it focused on niche products, like the black Apple Watch Ultra 2, before it got to the main meat ... of what turned out to be relatively minor iPhone hardware updates?

Then, frankly, you weren't the target audience, even if you're an iPhone user. Your current model is likely doing just fine, and you're probably attached to its color (as with mine, a year-old deep purple iPhone 15 Pro). You're not ready to pony up for a slightly better device, and all the Apple Intelligence in the world won't make you.

SEE ALSO: Apple Event 2024: Everything announced, including iPhone 16, Apple Watch Series 10

Wait until the next hype cycle — which in this case, is already building around the 2025 model, a reportedly thinner iPhone 17 "Air." By then, you might find your phone's declining battery and tiny-seeming screen to be an embarrassment, and the Apple trade-in offer will suddenly make a lot more sense. Just as owners of the iPhone 14, and earlier models, were predisposed to find something to like in the iPhone 16 announcement.

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SEE ALSO: iPhone 17: 3 credible rumors that may convince you to skip iPhone 16

In the meantime ... are you sureyou don't want to test your hearing loss (requiring new AirPods) or find out if you have sleep apnea (requiring a series 10 Watch)?

Apple, a $3.3 trillion company, has been at this game some time, and the game is called "get users into our ecosystem." As each market that the tech giant has entered matures, it becomes harder to get current customers to upgrade individual devices. The more the iPhone becomes a luxury item, and the more aware consumers become of its environmental cost, the less likely they are to upgrade every year, or even every other year.

So if you're Tim Cook, and you have a fiduciary duty to keep growing the company, what do you do?

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Sure, you make sure you're in the game when it comes to new technology. Cook has got a firm toe-hold in virtual space now with the Apple Vision Pro; if VR or AR suddenly look like the future, Apple is ready. He also understands the assignment with AI, which (for the moment, at least) is largely a matter of rebranding your machine-learning software so you don't look like you're falling behind: enter Apple Intelligence.

But most of your job as Apple CEO is to make multiple Apple devices seem more appealing to every user, even in a world of highly fragmented consumer groups. You find more groups served by the possibilities of new hardware-software combos: hearing loss and sleep apnea sufferers are hugeand growing health niches, which is why manufacturers of hearing aids took a hit on the stock market in the Apple event's wake.

If you look at the steadily growing Apple user base for non-iPhone items, then front-loading Apple events with tedious-to-you Watch updates, for one, makes a lot more sense.

Credit: EMarketer

Moreover, to update a phrase that has differentiated Apple since its Jobs-Wozniak days, Tim Cook's job is to make sure everything just works ... together. Once upon a time, when Windows working well with Macintosh OS was what mattered, the Apple "walled garden" was a millstone around the company's neck. Now, the walled garden may be the company's biggest asset.

Take, for example, the Apple AirPods Max: beautifully-designed, massively expensive over-the-ear noise-cancelling headphones saddled with a terrible name. When they were launched, I scoffed: Why would I buy those when I could grab a comparable Bose pair for much less?

I discovered the answer this year: because the Max cans connect and switch so easilyto and between my MacBook, iPad and iPhone — and most importantly, to my Apple TV — while providing incredible spatial audio.

I wasn't in the market for regular AirPods, because I don't like wax-producing earbuds (for exercise I use these Bose open-ear models instead). But the Max turned out to be totally my jam, so much so that here I am, seriously considering trading in my two-month old green headphones for the new USB-C model in purple, to match my iPhone.

I probably won't — not this cycle, anyway. My Apple budget for 2024 is entirely spent. But if Apple brings out a purple iPhone 17 next year, then it will almost certainly be time once more to hook up their vacuum cleaner to my wallet — no matter what new features are hyped up at the 2025 iPhone launch event.

Topics Apple iPhone