When they're not busy blowing minds with weird concoctions or underage sex videotrying to help you live your best life by cutting out human interaction altogether, Starbucks is responding to criticism and taking it all with a good sense of humor.
Such is the case with the parting shots delivered by retiring Financial Timescolumnist Lucy Kellaway who has spent the better part of the last two decades calling out "ugly business jargon."
SEE ALSO: Starbucks' Ombre Pink Drink is here to match your ombre hairIn her final column for FT (subscription required), published on Sunday, Kellaway decried her losing battle, declaring, "Business bullshit has got a million per cent more bullshitty."
"Business bullshit has got a million per cent more bullshitty."
She then directed her ire at Howard Schultz, former CEO and current executive chairman of Starbucks. Of Schultz, Kellaway says he's, "a champion in the bullshit space... [who has] provided me with more material for columns than any other executive alive or dead."
This is followed by Kellaway taking Schultz to task over his wording of an announcement of new Starbucks Roasteries -- "delivering an immersive, ultra-premium, coffee-forward experience" -- by saying, "In this ultra-premium, jargon-forward twaddle, the only acceptable word is 'an'."
So how would Starbucks react to this, uh, roasting?
With a response that's as bold and smooth as its best roast. (Apologies to Kellaway for this terrible analogy that was too good to pass up.)
Simon Redfern, who works in communications for Starbucks EMEA (Europe, Middle East, and Asia), wrote a tongue-in-cheek letter to the editor of the Financial Times (again, subscription required) in which he took the criticism with good humor.
The challenge is — we just don’t see the issue. Ms Kellaway says "tomato" and we say "sun-dried optimised natural product driving positive consumer sentiment if served on organic rye." Ms Kellaway says "potato" and we say "waxy-skinned tuber with a satisfying mouthfeel when fried or boiled." Surely there is no difference.
Redfern closes by inviting Kellaway to stop by a Starbucks for a cup of coffee any time.
No word on how Schultz himself or anyone else at Starbucks feels about Kellaway's criticism -- Mashable has reached out to the company for comment -- but given Starbucks' revenue so far in 2017 and its continued world dominance, it would probably take a lot more to ruffle anyone's feathers over there.
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