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There’s a reason Steve Rogers became Captain America. Even before he was injected with the supersoldier serum that enhanced his body and best of sex videoscapabilities, Steve demonstrated the true heart and qualities of a hero. In his time as the Captain, Steve has been a symbol of American excellence, a spokesman for higher ideals, and an ass-kicking superhero determined to protect the world he loves.

Does he fuck though? Absolutely not.

Allow me to pause and clarify that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin. Sex is merely one of the interesting and valuable human activities that add up to any given life experience; I’m just pointing out that Steve Rogers has never done it once, not even a little bit, not even on his birthday and that is OK.

I’m couching this argument in the assumption of the MCU proper that Steve Rogers is a heterosexual man, which conflicts with his depiction in fandom and many valid interpretations of his on-screen desires. The relationship between Steve Rogers and his “end of the line” BFF Bucky Barnes has been explored in essays both more and less steamy than this one, but for the sake of argument I’ll adhere to the Marvel Studios hardline, which is that Steve and Bucky are both (?) heterosexual men.

It is this hardline that leads me to argue that if Steve Rogers is straight, then he must necessarily also be a 101-year-old virgin up to the events of Avengers: Infinity War.

Before the serum, little Stevie Rogers was a good kid. As an undersized 21-year-old living in Brooklyn before it was cool, his two favorite pastimes were getting his own ass kicked and slurpin’ down ice cold glasses of respect women juice. Early in his journey, he tells Peggy Carter that he’s barely had a conversation with a woman before, suggesting that his size and presumed anxiety made it difficult for him to approach them.

Steve Rogers at 21: Tiny, Delightful Virgin.

Post-transformation Steve is immediately conscripted to perform in a traveling showcase as a poster boy for war bonds. While he is surrounded by showgirls in this part of his career, he’s head over heels in love with Peggy Carter and isn’t the kind of guy to bang those feelings out with his coworkers. That’s a lawsuit waiting to happen, and Steve Rogers is all about maintaining appropriate boundaries.

That argument continues through the rest of his actions in Captain America: The First Avenger, and Steve crashes into the ice without getting so much as a smooch from his lady love. He does, however, get one from Natalie Dormer, which is a win in anyone’s book. When he wakes up, it’s the year 2012 and nothing will ever be the same for him again.

Steve Rogers at 95: Large, Confused Virgin Who Kissed A Girl Once.

It’s highly unlikely that Steve Rogers emerged from a glacier and went straight to pound town — he’s far too sensitive for that. The loss of his time and his friends would be enough to keep him celibate for at least a few more years. Through The Avengersand The Winter Soldierhe’s still adjusting to the modern world and would probably be confused by the changing social mores around sex and romance.

This is a guy who slept through the sexual revolution, the invention of birth control, being able to show fictional spouses sleeping in the same bed on television, and Raya. Dude needs to catch up before he gets it in.

By the end of The Winter Soldier, Steve Rogers has a new friend in Sam Wilson and is obsessed with his search for Bucky Barnes. Again, if fandom has anything to say about this situation, that’s pretty dang gay, but even hetero Steve wouldn’t put a pin in looking for Bucky to chase some strange. He does share a kiss with Sharon Carter, which is weird as hell and looks, to use War Machine’s Iron Man 2phrase, like two seals fighting over a grape.

Steve Rogers at 98: Disappointed Virgin, Just Wants Bucky Back.

Age of Ultronand Civil Warkeep Steve busy. It’s clear from Ultron that he still prefers the company of superheroes and nonagenarians to normal people, so unless he’s sneaking off during Avengers missions to hit up an unmentioned side piece, Cap ain’t fucking in those movies. Civil War also ends with Steve and his squad becoming international crime-fighting fugitives, which would make sexual relationships a low priority and a security conflict. Cap. Ain’t. Fucking.

Infinity War! What a boner-kill. The only thing horny in this movie is Wanda and Vision’s Scottish Sex Vacation, which gets worse when you realize she’s techno-banging a robot with jewelry for brains. Steve is busy trying to save the world, things go sideways, and with a snap — most of the people he loves can fit in a Cafe Bustelo can.

There’s an argument to be made for the sad boy formerly known as Captain America to get laid in the events between Infinity Warand Endgame. There is a time jump between the two movies and who knows what Steve gets up to in those years. I don’t think that he’s ever had the time, pre and post-freeze, to prioritize his romantic development and simply isn’t the type to literally screw around.

Steve loved Peggy for who she was, and he liked Sharon because...well, because someone wrote that, but up until now he’s led a life that makes it difficult to sustain the levels of trust and connection he needs to feel safe exploring his sexuality.

Steve Rogers at 101: Vengeful, Furious Virgin.

Don’t feel bad for Steve Rogers. He’s known love. He’s had fulfilling interpersonal relationships. If he does kick the bucket in Avengers: Endgame, he’ll die a celebrated hero and one of the best men to ever fictionally live. He will also die a 102+ year old virgin, proving that nobody ever saved the world without sacrifice.