【I Want To Be The First Guy】

Craigslist's missed connections section is I Want To Be The First Guyperhaps the premier destination for weird shit online. The bizarre, the fart-related, the genuinely touching -- you never know quite what you'll read on there, and that's what makes it such a delight.

In March, MC devotees feared the page would be lost forever. Craigslist shut down its personal section in response to the Senate passing the controversial bill H.R.1865, or FOSTA. Fortunately, though, Craigslist simply relocated the section under its Community header. And thank god.

Here are a few of our personal favorite personals -- although for best results, we recommend combing through the archives yourself. It's part of the fun!

1. To the girl who attempted a B&E this morning

A man catches feelings for the girl who tried to forcibly enter his home.

Notable excerpt:"Still, I feel we made a good connection, separated only by inches, the door, and the two locks you were trying to pick. I gave you 15 minutes to make your getaway. Your welcome BTW."

2. Condoms & Bread

A young man leaves a 36-pack of condoms at the farmer's market. A woman endorses Maybelline Great Lash mascara.

Notable excerpt:"I just feel like if I ever spent 40 bucks on condoms (NEVR) and 6 bucks on a loaf of bread (always) and then LOST them while buying a 7 dollar juice, I'd be so mad."

3. Did you lose a ham?

Someone finds a lost ham.

Notable excerpt:"It's a bone-in ham, not sure it's obvious from the photo, and it's been eaten on some, but there's definitely some serious meat left on it. Looks like it was pretty tasty in its day."

4. License Plate BJN7523

A terrible crime backfires.

Notable excerpt:"Ha ha! You are clever! You regifted your unwanted parking ticket to a neighboring vehicle! Unfortunately, you disregarded two important points. First, I do not drive a silver Buick; second, I do not plan to pay the city $30 on your behalf."

5. You farted near the produce

Tale as old as time: a man insults a woman, then asks her out.

Notable excerpt:"You are beautiful and even though you are a liar and fart like a Clydesdale, I would love to meet up for a drink sometime."

6. To the guy I gave a skull to

You know when you accidentally return a human skull to the wrong person?

Notable excerpt:"But as I backed off the train as the doors closed I saw that it wasn't a cane you had but an umbrella. And luggage. And you clearly weren't the person who dropped the skull. "

7. This touching sequence set in 1972

I truly do not care if this is real. I would also like it to be a movie.

Notable excerpt:"We sat at the counter of that five and dime and talked like old friends. We laughed as easily as we lamented, and you confessed over pecan pie that you were engaged to a man you didn't love, a banker from some line of Boston nobility. A Cabot, or maybe a Chaffee. Either way, his parents were hosting a soirée to ring in the New Year, hence the dress."

8. For Wheelie the Wiener Dog

Missed connection? Not really. Warm, funny memory of a dachshund from the past? Hell yeah.

Notable excerpt:"The dog, like many of its breed, had become paralyzed in its hind legs, but was otherwise fine. The guy had rigged up a little doggy wheelchair thing, and Wheelie the weiner dog was often out and about in the neighborhood, happy as could be wheeling around with his little front legs pumping furiously."

9. This nightmarish tale of deceit, infidelity, and going-out tops

A Modern Love classic. Will make you afraid of wearing black!

Notable excerpt:"Despite how I had mocked those who posted on 'missed connections', I needed no persuading to reply. "So this is random," I wrote, "but I think I might be the girl you saw."

10. A genuinely beautiful short story

Time to cry at your desk.

Notable excerpt:"I'll talk to her before daybreak; I'll talk to her before Tuesday. The longer I waited, the harder it got. What could I possibly say to you now, now that we've passed this same station for the hundredth time? Maybe if I could go back to the first time the Q switched over to the local R line for the weekend, I could have said, "Well, this is inconvenient," but I couldn't very well say it now, could I?"