【The Pursuit of Lust】

Datingcan be The Pursuit of Lustfun, but the novelty of meeting a stranger for a drink in a pub 40 minutes away from your house tends to wear off over time. It's also impossible to guarantee that said stranger is going to fill you with excitement, but there are other ways to ensure your dating life doesn't become totally monotonous. Switching things up is key, and in the digital age, there's certainly some value in trying out something a little more old-fashioned. And what's more retro than a double date?

Double dates aren't just a trope of '90s rom-coms. They're actually a great way to date for people who want to try something new. Plus, they ensure your night will be fun even if the person you're dating isn't, with a friend there to buffer conversation and help you make an escape route if necessary. For the same reason, double dates (or group dates) are also a good option for people who are new to dating, or back in the game after taking some time off, especially if you're feeling anxious about the prospect of one-on-one meetups.

SEE ALSO: Gen Z should embrace being cringe to find love, Hinge says

"If you're nervous about online dating or meeting someone you don't know — even for security — then double dates can be a good option," says Kendra Capalbo, a licensed couples and sex therapist and founder of Esclusiva Couples Retreats and Concierge Couples Counseling. By going on a double date, you also have a friend there to spot red flags or give you advice on the person you're dating, without sending 17 minutes of back-and-forth WhatsApp voice notes on the train home. 

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This all sounds well and good, but if you spend a lot of time scrolling on dating apps, you probably know just how difficult it can be to find one person you're interested in, nevermind someone with a charming friend too — not to mention a date in the next week when you're all available. So how do you actually manufacture a successful double date?

Think about your dating intentions

One of the big factors that plays into whether a double date will be right for you comes down to what you're looking for. Naturally, a double date might be more casual than a one-on-one meeting, so take this into account. "It might be best not to go on a double date if you're only looking for something serious," advises Capalbo. "Look at it instead as a fun adventure. If you click, that's great and if not, it's no big deal."

The nature of double dates means that you'll be in a group situation., so it might be more difficult to get into the nitty, gritty, serious details around what you're looking for. Although this isn't to say that something serious won't come from a double date. 31-year-old London resident Beth Eleanor, who runs the TikTok account 2 Girls 1 Pupwith her flatmate Molly Cookson, matched with her now-boyfriend on Hinge because she had a prompt about wanting to go on a double date. "He was keen to go on a double date, although we ended up going out a couple of times before the date too," she says, explaining that they actually ended up going on a triple date as their third date.

"We were just trying to bring a bit of joy back into dating because it can be such a painful, stressful, and demoralising process," Cookson tells Mashable, explaining why they decided to go on a triple date. "We didn't think we'd find the loves of our lives, but we thought we might have a fun evening." 

The mindset you go into a double date with is key, and if you're open to new dating experiences, as well as what might come out of those dates, this will help you get the most from it.

"I also think double dates are a good way to meet people and make more friends too," Eleanor adds. "London can be a pretty lonely place but dates don't have to be romantic — they can end up in friendship."

Choose the right friend

To give yourself the best chance of a successful double date, it's a good idea to bring along a friend who you think will enhance the experience. For a start, think about whether they're a friend who you have fun with when you're in group situations together. "It's common that one person in a friendship has a bigger personality, while the other is more introverted and that may work if you match with the other people," Capalbo says. "But double dates might be better suited overall to people who are more extroverted."

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It's also important to go into an experience like a double date with a friend who you know won't make it toxic. "Choose a friend who has your back," is Capalbo's advice. Everyone deals with insecurities, but if you think your friend's own issues around dating might have a negative impact on you, avoid going on a double date with them. "That insecurity can sometimes come into play and it can become competitive," Capalbo says.

Cookson and Eleanor agree that having their friends with them on the triple date improved the experience for them, as it removed those usual first-date nerves and allowed them to put forward the best version of themselves. "I think the date helped me be more authentically myself," Cookson says. "You're just chatting and joking as a wider group, so you're not sitting there thinking, 'oh god should I be asking about how many cousins he's got?'"

Decide how you want to date

Another thing to take into consideration is how you're going to organise and manufacture the date itself. Do you want to go in with both friends meeting another pair of mates from a dating app, for example? Or would you prefer to be set up with someone by an already established couple?

26-year-old Zoe* once went on a successful double date that was organised spontaneously by a friend who had been dating a man for around a month. "At the last minute she asked me if I was free because the person she was dating had a friend visiting and she knew I was single and spontaneous, so we all went to the pub," she says.

Capalbo says this can be a good way to go on a double date, especially if you're worried about things getting awkward. "The couple that's already dating have a certain comfort level and that energy will translate for the other couple who might be a little nervous," she says. 

However, you might not have a friend who is willing to set you up, or maybe you'd rather go out with a single friend. 31-year-old Imogen Lepere went on a triple date with two friends, meeting three guys from Hinge who they'd barely spoken to before. "Me and two friends each messaged a tonne of guys on Hinge asking if they wanted to go on a date and bring two friends," she says. Although the date didn't lead to anything serious for anyone, they all really enjoyed the experience and one ended up going on a second date with someone from the group.

If you're going in blind, it's a good idea to think about how you're going to navigate coupling off, to avoid any potential conflict over who is paired up with who. "Set some boundaries ahead of time and check in with each other at some point to try and figure out if you're interested in the same person and how you want to deal with that," Capalbo advises.

Plan a date for four, not for two

You might have your typical first date plan down to a tee, going to the same bar or pub with every app match. But remember there are at least four people involved in a double or triple date, so you might need to adjust your tried-and-tested formula. Capalbo suggests an activity, like bowling or a games bar. "They give you the space — especially in the scenario when you don't know who is interested in who — for conversation between all four people but also some one-on-one conversation," she says.

This was Cookson and Eleanor's plan: For their triple date, they hosted some drinks at their house before going to an escape room. "It almost turned into a bit more of a house party vibe than us sitting down opposite each other at a table," Cookson says. This kind of scenario not only prevents awkwardness, but it's also a good way to ensure everyone is included and no one is left out of the conversation.

SEE ALSO: OkCupid review: A hip dating site that's way less lame than the competition

Don't put too much pressure on the outcome

Going into a date without any expectations is easier said than done, but with a double date in particular, you're bound to enjoy it more if you go into it without worrying about how it's going to go or what will happen afterwards. After all, it's supposed to be a fun experience in itself, and showing up as your happiest, most relaxed self is never going to do any harm. 

"I was just going in there with an open mind thinking, 'I might like this guy, but he doesn't need to be my husband,'" Zoe says, speaking about the double date she went on. "It was like I was going to meet two friends. I had no expectations that they would fancy me or that I would fancy them. I didn't feel entitled to anything which I think took the pressure off."

Cookson agrees that she knew she was going to enjoy the experience whether it was romantic or not, which made the date more enjoyable than a lot of conventional first dates she's been on. "I think because you're there for a fun evening with your friends, you're not analysing what they do for a job or what might be an ick for you — you're thinking of it much more as a fun evening so there's less pressure," she says. 

And who knows, changing your mindset towards dating and taking the pressure off might just lead to something special. Or, at the very least, a good story to tell — maybe courtesy of your future maid-of-honour or best man, who can relay their experience of going on a double date with a couple who ended up married. Meg Ryan, eat your heart out!

* last name has been removed for privacy